What did we do last night that was yellow?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
He uses pillows to masturbate.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
