M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
