I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
