Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
