my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
