You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize