dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
