Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
