you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
