getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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