yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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