dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize