why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
