i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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