she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
