I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
