well I can't set my house on fire every night
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
