Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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