what if every blade of grass was a penis?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
