1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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