just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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