obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
