you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
