Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Houston, we have a squirter
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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