So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
