why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
