We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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