I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
