Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
