he wants to bone in the snuggie
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
