Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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