I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
