dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
