You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize