I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
