He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
