the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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