Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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