I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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