1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
