The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Your cock deserves a montage
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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