I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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