Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
