Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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