you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
