i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
