Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
ugly people sure do ruin things
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
