im drinking this country out of the recession.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
