Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
