i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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