Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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