im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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