I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
