Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
my sisters under your porch take her home
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize