...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
