i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
