I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
