? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
