dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
