hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize