Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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