apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
When are your genitals available?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
