I intend to get homeless drunk
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
