do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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