We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
