Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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