I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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