I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
