she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
