It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
