It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
