there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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