During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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