Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
How does one acquire holy water?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
