Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
