fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
