he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
