All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
