I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize