I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
