i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
